TO: Ebb Tide
RE: Ebb Tide
FROM: The Rev Dr Bacon Missionary

It has come to my attention that why the fuck is there no Ebb Tide in Montecito. Also apparently, it falls to me to spread the gospel of the bacon platter to these savages, who seem to have their own godless and barbaric breakfast customs so horrifying to our continental sensibilities that I shall spare you the details thereof. The task of bringing them to the light will be daunting, but I accept my task with valor, for I am a soldier of the cured meats, and armed with my censer full of applewood smoke, I shall overcome.